Sep. 13, 2016

I'm Grandma! I know everything!

I think it was Erma Bombeck who said that the saddest day for a mother is when her children no longer believe that she can magically get the traffic lights to change as they have now discovered the yellow light on the other side of the street. This is true. For years I have been telling my Texas grandchildren, Jessie, who is eight, and Emily, who is six, that

“I’m Grandma! I know everything!”

I’m Grandma! I know everything!

I’ve told them that for years.

And now, alas, the moment’s come,

I must face my biggest fears.

“Grandma, you don’t know everything,”

Miss six-year old Emily sneers.

Yep, it’s happened, I got it right,

Time to face my biggest fears.

“I do so,” I said, wisely and maturely,

She just smiled and snorted,

Turned back to her iPad, so demurely.

“I can make a cheese soufflé,” I instantly retorted.

“And Lincoln was our 12th President,

And the duckbilled platypus lays eggs...

And the whale is a mammal...

And Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone with The Wind...

And I can spell antidisestablishmentarianism...

And I know never to put tomatoes in the refrigerator...

And Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so...

And all the words to way too many songs...

And a lot of knock-knock jokes...

And who’s buried in Grant’s tomb...

And that you can get everything in the world at

And how to braid hair...

And how to repair Puppyblanket when he’s torn...

Yeah, to repair Puppyblanket...”

The Mommy patted my trembling, age-spotted hand,

And said, in that tone that stops all further discussion,

“Grandma knows everything that matters.”

Interestingly, after I sent this poem along to The Mommy and the other set of grandparents, I got the following response from the other grandmother, Grammy, who is a delightful woman and one of my dearest friends:

“I loved this!  It sounds so much like Emily. In fact just the other day she asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to, and she said "Grandma knows everything". I agreed that Grandma was very smart, but now I know why she said that.   Love, Dianne”

Actually, I don't know everything...just all the stuff that matters!

Here we are, Jessie standing in front of me, Grammy and Emily sliding off her lap.